So, don’t be sad that some of them did not work out. It doesn’t mean you should dismiss them. Some of your connections are just not meant to last. However, they played an essential part in shaping your personality.
Relations, like any other living organism, are a subject to evolution. They are much like us.
Are you the same person every single day of your life?
No. And so aren’t your relationships.
They evolve in line with who you were, who you are and who you wish to be.
In many cases, they are the most accurate reflection of what our real values are; how dedicated we are, how much are willing to fight for things that matter to us. Remember:
It takes more than one person to create meaningful connections.
Despite this, we often find ourselves stuck in relations that are beyond saving. I’m sure some people are way better at recognizing these at an early stage. However, even they had to learn when it is still worth fighting and when to let go.
If you asked my friends, they’d tell you I have no problem to walk up to a stranger and start chatting. But creating long-lasting relationships has always been a tad difficult for me. Therefore, if I decide to dedicate myself to something I hope will last, it’s ten times more painful for me to see it isn’t working out.
When should you say that’s enough?
We have one thing in common; sometimes we spend hours, weeks, if not months wondering why some relations didn’t work out, while the next best thing is passing by, right in front of us.
How many time you’ll reach out to a friend who keeps turning you down?
Yes, sometimes people go through a difficult life phase, so they might distant themselves. I know, I’ve been there. It’s important to recognize these moments and distinguish them from those where there is simply no will to carry on. It’s okay to review your relationships and ask yourself what would happen if you step back.
How much time to do you spend wondering about why he or she didn’t call you back?
What did go wrong when someone ghosts you out of the blue? Some of us will freeze in time, thinking over and over again what happened. The reality is, you are not professor Xavier with the ability to read someone’s mind. So stop wasting your time trying to be one and move on.
What about those friends who end up in a new relationship and forget that there is a world of friends outside?
Well, maybe they won’t forget about you altogether. They might reach out to you again when the relationship is over.
What about your colleagues? Where is the line between friendship and being just colleagues?
We could go on and on.
Some of these scenarios happened to me, too. I learnt the hard way. I hate losing people I love(d), but very often, we keep hanging onto an idea, not a real person.
Letting go often brings much-needed clarity to your life. When you can take distance, you get a better idea of what to fight.
What to fight for?
Do fight for people who support you on your bad days, and keep close people who can sincerely celebrate your success with you, too.
Fight for those who bring you hot soup when you feel like shit; or for those who can make you laugh on a gloomy day.
Keep close those who can tell you ‘enough!’ when you complain too much.
Cherish friendships that survive distance and ridiculous time zones, but they feel like you just saw each other yesterday (even if it was years ago). They don’t need excuses like ‘it’s too far, or it’s too late.’
Keep close people who can be honest with you about the values they looking for in relation.
When I left last year to travel through Canada, I had to leave many of my friends & colleagues behind (geographically speaking). One of the reasons why I delayed the travel so much was my fear of losing people & community because of the distance. Throughout seven months, many underwent a test. Some friendships got a second chance, and it felt like we just picked up where we left off. Some are no longer there. Some got a much-needed break, so we can maybe reconnect again in the future. This trip gave me a chance to move on and create a bunch of new friendships I’ll cherish for the rest of my life, too. It was not only a test for my relationships but a good reflection-time for me and my values as well.
Don’t cry over lost connections.
Relationships, whether lost or retained, teach us what to expect from each other, what values we look for, or how to handle difficult situations.
There are many more relationships that survive a lifetime and teach us every day how beautiful, supportive and respectful we can be towards each other.
So, even though your relationships are changing, it is a good thing. It would kind of suck if you are stuck at the same point. You want to create a tribe that makes you feel connected, welcome, fills your life with joy and compassion. Right?